You've caught me
at a volatile time, do I remind you
of who you were back then? Of who I was? That's
depressing. (And annoying,
do you think we are long overdue? Are we
running out of time?)
He isn't letting me repent anymore,
I've prayed every sin away
but there's something wrong with me,
something scary,
too unspeakable for words and eyes,
they've dried up their sympathies already.
I've thought in depth
how to plan a funeral - my own
would be lifeless and empty.
Three people would show up, my brother wouldn't be there,
he would be busy studying
too busy being the better child.
I was supposed to be the better one / i'm the worst one
they've ever met.
I'm sinking into a sand pit
filled with venomous snakes
They hate each other and loathe me even more
they want nothing more then my death!
I can hear you calling for it too.
Do you even care - I shouldn't ask, I know the answer
when I look in the mirror,
disgusting red pours from eyes and lips
this is not the crowd that seeks me now,
I'm no longer loved. I've worn them down and torn them apart
i've weaved my fate into their thread and made
them despise me! They'll pray for my death
and God will help them -
he will break a metaphorical leg or two of mine
and make me suffer for
the grief i've caused (i've caused all of it).
God had it in for me,
he pulled out all the stops and Lord,
I've crashed through all of them.
I can see you standing by the sun,
waiting for me to fly off the cliff --
my blood will run deeper then us and fungi
will grow on the shore
I'm waiting to cross the river
and there is a box upstairs.